Author Archives: thelastmonte

It’s time for another episode of ‘oh my god I can’t believe they published that’. Besides being awesome, I’m pretty sure the good people at daftgadgets.com are insane. Here’s a few more of my favorite product descriptions that more than … Continue reading →

(This is the kind of blog I would write if I was high) I stopped at a traffic light today. Something about it transfixed me. Something indelible, profound, and deep. I was watching the sign sway in the breeze. A … Continue reading →

Open House Is there any fate worse than being stuck with you’re exwife for three hours? I’d managed to last thirteen years. I’d fully planned to spend the next thirteen hiding under the blankets recovering. Alas, it was not to … Continue reading →

My Son This kid swaggers into my room with a few sheets of paper in hand. He’s around 13, fair skinned, shaggy brown hair, he can’t weigh more than a hundred ten. I think I can take him. His eyes … Continue reading →

I’ve been writing for daftgadgets.com for a few months now. They approached me after seeing a few of my articles on cracked and asked if I wanted to try writing for them. I started out doing product descriptions and now … Continue reading →

Best Wishes and Glad Tidings this Holiday Season! I never liked you. Not even a little. Not even the teeniest, tiniest bit. You have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. There is nothing special or memorable or noteworthy about you. You have … Continue reading →

Thankfulness I’m thankful that I have learned so much about life and people in the past few years. I fully intend to use this knowledge to become a better person and to further my career as a supervillain. I’m thankful … Continue reading →

Cereal Commercials, Part 1 As a child some of my fondest memories are of the colorful, odd characters who inhabited the magical world of cereal commercials. These advertisement spots played out like mini dramas. Each character had his own mythos, … Continue reading →

My latest article on Cracked.com will be coming out soon and I figured I’d put out my unedited version for anyone who wants to come check it out. This is only half the list. My good buddy Ross wrote the … Continue reading →

Playing around on Plenty Of Fish has taught me that very few chicks have a sense of humor. You’d be amazed at how outraged some of them get after reading my letter: Stop everything you’re doing sweet cheeks. Everything! Throw … Continue reading →