Second Date

Second Date

I pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater. Tansy and I were going to see ‘Drive’ but only because there was literally nothing else playing that I even remotely wanted to watch and because ‘Smurfs’ got a shitty review on Rotten Tomatoes. We were just meeting here and then she was going to follow me to a restaurant. I pulled next to her car, the sporadic drizzle keeping us both in our vehicles. I rolled down the window to tell her the plan. She started to say something then stopped, her eyes got wide for a moment and then she burst out laughing. Although in general I am used to this kind of reaction from people, I was still a kind of surprised.

“What are you laughing at?” I asked innocently, with a slight sprinkling of hurt indignation souring my words. She shook her head and kept laughing. The restaurant was just a mile or so down the street, so she followed me. As we walked in she asked, “Why are you wearing a tie?” the hint of a mocking smile curling her soft lips.

On our last date Tansy had gotten all gussied up. She denies this. She claimed it was just a sundress. Yeah, sure it was. She’d gone all out with the outfit, the perfume, the makeup, the boobs. And I’d shown up in a tee shirt over stained jeans with fingernails that still had engine grease under them. So I figured this time I’d go all dapper Dan on her. Black slacks, a black button down shirt, a sapphire blue tie with midnight blue swirls and a belt. I even had gel in my hair. Hell, I’d even grown hair since our last date to put gel in! So yes, I was looking pretty suave for an evening at the movies in a hick town in south Louisiana.

I had expected her to dress down on this, our second date and I was right. Not that she didn’t look great, because she did. In fact, a part of me appreciated that. I didn’t have to force myself to ‘not’ stare at her straining cleavage all evening long (another part of me was deeply saddened by this fact). She wore jeans and some sort of pink cardigan thing. She had on light makeup if any at all. This was Tansy in normal mode. She was still lovely, desirable. It’s just that this time her appearance seemed more honest, more vulnerable perhaps. She wasn’t trying to dazzle or wow anyone. She was saying, ‘ok, this is me’. And that was kind of nice. Maybe she was starting to open up, to trust me just a little. Or maybe she really just didn’t give a fuck what I thought at this point. That could have been the same outfit she’d worn all week. Who knows.

We ordered, I was really hungry and the food was pretty damn good (and priced to sell!). They were playing some great salsa music too. I looked around and saw that no one was dancing…not that they had any place to dance, but whatever. I asked Tansy to dance with me. She declined. Ok, fine. Too soon. I then asked if we could take a picture together. I always put up pictures on facebook whenever I go out. It’s to let my enemies know that I’m not a loser and that I have friends (and although my enemies are technically friends on facebook they aren’t real friends. Facebook doesn’t really have a classification for ‘people you hate but whom you still want to show pictures to so they can be properly jealous of how awesome your life is’). But of course she refused. We went round and round about that for a while. She finally won the argument by saying ‘you’re creeping me out again’. She’s going to use that line every date. I can just feel it. She also flat out told me that we weren’t going to be holding hands either. She did however she let me sit next to her at the movies, but she hogged the armrest.

We talked about stuff over dinner. Her aunt whom she was really close to was going through a divorce and men were pigs. I agreed of course. We’d had this conversation the night before. At least today she wasn’t saying that she hated all men. I shared some of my experiences with her about being divorced. I’m pretty sure I didn’t score any points on that front. In fact…I was kind of surprised we were even on a date. She’d been on a ‘men are crap’ kick and it was that time of the month for her. To make matters worse the night before when she’d said she wanted chocolate to satiate her womanly cravings I told her I would get her a ‘diet’ chocolate bar. Big mistake. Sure, shes on a diet, but I’m not supposed to acknowledge this fact. She was highly offended by my suggestion. She said it felt like I was calling her a fattass. I told her no, her ass was great and that actually she was pretty hot for such a little bitch. I was joking of course. But again, not the kind of thing you tell a woman on her period. So yeah, I was lucky to be getting this date. And in fact, she’d canceled with me the week before, this was actually a make up date. Her excuse that time had been ‘but it’s a tropical storm and there are 60mph winds outside!’ Yeah, whatever, if you don’t want to see me then just say so. Be honest. Don’t use lame excuses like ‘6 inches of rain’ or ‘tornado warnings’.

As kind of a peace offering/joke I’d brought her a chocolate bar. Straight, non-diet chocolate. She laughed and said she was on a diet. I pretended to be surprised and promptly ate some of it for her.

We talked, we ate, killed time waiting for the movie. By the way, she is absolutely no fucking help whatsoever when it comes to deciding what we should do on the date. She has no preference in where we go, what we eat, what we see…nothing. The only stipulations were she refused to dance with me and she wasn’t going to go play put put golf in the rain. On our way out I struck up a conversation with the Hispanic woman at the cash register. I told her the meal was good, but that my date had been mean to me. We were going to see a movie but what I really wanted to do was play put put. I complemented them on their music selection and indicated that I really would have liked to dance but that my lady friend was kind of a prude. I don’t think the old woman understood much of what I was saying, but with each sentence Tansy crept closer and closer to the door. She nearly bolted when I started salsa dancing.

The theater was deserted. Guess they don’t get much action on a Sunday. Yeah, that’s how high I rank. I got to take her out on a Sunday. I walked up to the window and promptly announced “We would like to see a movie please.” After a few moments of awkward silence the woman asked which one. “Drive,” I said. The movie had an 80’s sound track, a lead actor with about 12 lines total who wore the same white jacket everywhere he went even though it just got bloodier and bloodier. And the best part was that the bad guy was the same fellow who played the voice of the father in ‘Finding Nemo’. I realized this crucial detail three fourths of the way through the movie and couldn’t help but to blurt it out for everyone in the theater to hear. It was kind of a bloody, violent flick, where at one point a guy gets his face mule stomped until his head caves in. On the way out I commented ‘That was the worst romantic comedy I’ve ever seen’, although truthfully I thought it was great. Senseless violence makes me laugh (I probably shouldn’t admit that). I don’t think Tansy liked it much.

We hugged and parted ways. I totally don’t get this chick. We talk sometimes, we hang out on occasion and sometimes she even flirts with me. I suspect that she’s just bored at the moment and doesn’t have anything better to do so she uses me for entertainment. Or I frighten her something terrible even though she’s still oddly attracted to me in some weird way. Haven’t figured it out yet. It’s all real slow and odd. I’ve never gone out this a girl who flatly refused to hold hands. Whats up with that? Not that I should care. Pursuing her is keeping me out of trouble. I usually go for the psycho chicks who try to bury themselves beneath my skin so I can’t ever leave. Tansy’s just like ‘whatever’. Definitely the most none crazy female I’ve ever taken out. Still, I’m used to either being adored or despised by my dates. Give me the ‘lets be friends’ speech or show me that I’m slowly scoring some points, but tell me something. I think she likes tormenting me.


About thelastmonte

I'm a ninja for hire An ice cube on fire A soothsayer and liar Deceitful, dashing and dire A menacing muse muddling meanings in the mire My mind tumbles around like a cat in a dryer When it comes down to the wire I get lit like a pyre Kicking hobbits out the shire In jet black attire like a cocaine supplier And I aspire to acquire your ire Oh, and I also do freelance work.
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